So here’s how I look right now:

Remember the quote from Dave Barry – “You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.”

I’m big enough that random people (mostly men, actually) at work, the grocery store, gas station, etc, ask me how I’m feeling and when the baby’s due. I breezily say, “Oh, about 2 more months,” and they boggle in disbelief, the unspoken response being “But… but you’re already so HUGE!”

Sometimes I will tell them it’s twins. Sometimes I just smile.

…or “On becoming someone I am not.”

I was the slowest, clumsiest kid I knew growing up. Literally. I was always in the “mush pot” when we played Duck-Duck-Goose in preschool, games of tag ended when I became “it” because I could never catch anyone, I was famous for having staggeringly bad nosebleeds after catching yet another rubber kickball with my face, etc. We have family vacation pictures from when I was 8 years old, with bandaids prominently displayed, after I tripped on NOTHING in the Jefferson Memorial and yet managed to peel layers of skin off my knees. I have scars on my right shin from 6th grade, when I fell as I climbed the basement stairs – before the lighter marks faded, you could measure the distance between stair corners by the scars on my leg. In high school, during a tennis lesson, I managed to “catch” a tennis ball in the little v-shaped area between the racket head and handle. (C’mon now, you couldn’t even do that if you tried!) I have many, many more examples, but you get the idea. I am probably still one of the slowest, clumsiest adults that I know, but I have not tried to join a group sporting activity in 20 years and thus have no means of verifying my status.

Physical activity was not something that was emphasized during my childhood. Sure, we had bikes, jump ropes, hula hoops, and other toys like that, we took swimming and ice skating lessons, too, but my parents’ focus always was on developing one’s cognitive talents. I’m not saying that’s right or wrong, it’s just how it was. As an adult, my physical activities are largely limited to those not requiring any physical coordination, rule memorizing, or skill – primarily, I walk (sometimes jog) and lift weights. Sometimes, I exercise on cardio equipment. I own a bike – but the last time I rode regularly was in 2004, when it was part of my commute (Red line to Alewife, then down the Minuteman trail to my then-backyard). I have a Wii Fit but honestly really suck at all the games, and that trainer is SO JUDGMENTAL. (Plus, I get tired of seeing my Mii sagging in disappointment after losing at everything. Hey, did you know that if you completely FAIL at the soccer-heading game, your Mii pounds its fists on the ground in existential angst while the teammates all stay far, far away? And seriously, how is that fun?)

I think the problem is that I haven’t found a physical activity that I really enjoy enough to want to develop the necessary skills to do it well. (Well, other than DDR, but after a fairly serious DDR-induced knee and ankle injury in 2000 or so, I didn’t go back.) I also have issues with activities if they feel like I’m wasting time. If I get on a bike, I want to get somewhere, not ride around aimlessly. I mowed the lawn for the first time last summer; it took me more than an hour to do the entire yard, and the DAMN GRASS ALL GREW BACK IN A WEEK. It was terribly unsatisfying. I want to do something, not just move for the sake of moving. (If I had any experience in construction, I would totally be all over home DIY projects like building a deck.)

I really want my girls to grow up with an active mom, someone who doesn’t groan or need a hand to get up from the floor, someone who has no trouble hoisting a child in the air, someone who can run and jump on playground equipment with them. I’d love to have outdoor activities that we can enjoy together. The thing is… how do I get there from here?

I was warned of this, yet somehow, I didn’t think it would happen. I have outgrown ALL of my maternity clothes. My legs have seam marks on them when I take off my pants. Hemlines on my shirts are riding dangerously high. The belly panels on pants don’t stay up because they don’t go over the apex of the bump anymore. Semi-fitted shirts are tight in the arm and across my chest.

As of today, I’ve gained 28 lbs and my belly is 43″ around. I’m already bigger than I was the day I delivered 9.5-lb Meredith. Babies are looking good – healthy, moving a lot, bigger than average for gestational age. The OB thinks I am likely to take the girls to term. I feel awful (OMG, don’t let me get started), but the end is in sight.

I’ve managed to go this far without buying a single new piece of maternity clothing, but I have to be realistic (and more modest, ahem) now. Any suggestions for cheap maternity threads (I only need to wear them for another 8 weeks) that are still somewhat compatible with my office’s “business formal” dress code? Liz Lange at Target? Old Navy?

I just thought to tell you, if you are using Turbotax.com to file, you can go through Fidelity to get 25% off the e-filing fee. You don’t have to be a Fidelity customer (although -disclaimer- I am), you just have to go through the link on their site and put up with ads at the footer of every page. Fwiw, I did the entire return on my own, logged off, clicked through the Fidelity site, then logged back in just to file and pay.

My pretty Seiko wristwatch has died. Apparently, it eats batteries for breakfast. Since March 23, I’ve had the battery changed 3 times (at 2 different shops), and no battery has lasted longer than 5 hours.

RIP

According to 1 shop, it would cost more to repair it than it is worth. My last watch, a Skagen, only lasted about 4 years, too. Wonder what I am doing wrong….

Anyway, it’s time to go watch shopping! What do you recommend? I have but 3 requirements:

1) Sapphire (synthetic) crystal – I am too clumsy for mineral (glass) crystals
2) Shows the date
3) Silver

Budget – let’s say $100-200 (but for $200, that watch had better be some kind of awesome). I’d like it to last ~10 years, so nothing too trendy. No digital watches or diamond embellishments, please. Favorite brands (and links to specific models) would be highly appreciated! Thanks in advance.